


paper hearts. (and i'll hold a piece of yours)

by honeycornflakes



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band), 여자친구 | GFriend (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, how does one do tagging
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-05-26 10:53:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14999357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeycornflakes/pseuds/honeycornflakes
Summary: 'you don't know what you have until it's gone.'sojung learns it the hard way when she receives a wedding invitation from her first love.





	1. if i could just give it some time, i'll be alright.

_ It isn’t until we parted that I realise _

_ What we had wasn’t purely just infatuation _

_ I loved you _

_ You loved me _

_ We had the whole world in our hands _

_ But I guess time wasn’t ours to hold _

_ We met; fell in love , all at the wrong timing. _

_ If we were to cross paths again sometime in the future, _

_ Will it finally be the right moment for us _

_ To start anew _

_ And have the whole world in our hands once again _

_ With time finally on our side too? _

  
  
  


**24 May 2019**

It’s unfair, Sojung thinks. How everything— her past— is suddenly coming back to her when all she has been doing for the last five years is to forget. It feels like torture to her that she has to remember memories that she wants to shut out badly.

 

The smiles;

 

The laughters;

 

The random stolen kisses they shared.

 

All those bittersweet memories are slowly returning to her that Sojung can only feel a sense of helplessness and longing as each of them plays in her mind over and over again like a broken record. She misses  _ her _ . As much as she hates to admit it, she really does. What they had wasn’t just some game, it wasn’t a child’s play. Sojung knew she was in love with her and  _ she  _ was just as in love with her too but Sojung was afraid back then. She was afraid to fall deeper for  _ her _ .  To surrender her whole heart to  _ her _ . It was a mistake that she was finally about to move on from until she receives a letter early in the morning—  _ a wedding invitation _ —, causing her to regain the memories that had caused her life to turn from pure bliss to misery all over again.

 

Sojung is happy for _her_ of course. She still recalls clearly how _she_ wanted to have two girls and two boys once _she_ gets married. The way _her_ eyes sparkled as _she_ talked enthusiastically about her future. It was the day Sojung realised that her heart raced whenever she was near _her_. The day Sojung wished she had ignored the weird thumping in her chest and not think much about it. 

 

Would  _ she  _ have stayed with her if she did so?

 

Sojung could only chuckle weakly at her thoughts for she knows that it’s useless. It’s useless to think about the past and wanting to change it because it’s impossible. What had happened,  _ happened _ . All that is left with her are regrets and memories of days she wishes she could revisit.

  
  
  
  


**5 March 2013**

Sojung was busy trying to finish up her essay that was due the next day until she felt a pair of hands covering her eyes, halting her from writing so she would not smudge her paper by accident.

 

“Guess who?” she heard the all too familiar soft, honey-like voice giggling in her ears, making the corners of her lips tug up to form a small smile.

 

Instead of answering the question, Sojung held onto the pair of hands and pulled them away from her eyes, turning to face the other girl. “How did you know I would be here?” she asked, her smile not faltering.

 

“You’re no fun, Sojung,” the shorter girl huffed and crinkled her nose up in a cute manner, eliciting a soft laughter from the said girl. “Hey, I made you laugh!” she grinned cheekily, chest protruding out slightly to show how proud she was for making such an achievement.

 

“You didn’t answer my question, Eunbi,” Sojung clicked her tongue and playfully narrowed her eyes at her friend.

 

“And you didn’t answer mine either so we’re equal now,” Eunbi said smugly, taking a sit opposite of Sojung.

 

“Tsk, I can never win against you, can’t I?” Sojung sighed exasperatedly and pouted.

 

“I doubt so,” Eunbi snickered. Resting her elbow on the table, she cushioned her chin on the palm of her hand and glanced at the open book and paper in front of Sojung. “Will I be like you in two years’ time, rushing my essays like this?” 

 

It was a serious question but Sojung could not help but smile in amusement seeing how the younger girl looked extremely discontented at the thought of having to write out long essays.

 

“Earlier on, Mrs. Yoon asked the whole class how we wanted our future to be. She only asked for a few sentences but I think I can write a five page essay about how I want my future to be.”

 

Sojung’s expression softened seeing how happy and excited Eunbi was as she talked about her day in school. Completing her essay within the hour was long forgotten as she gave all her attention to Eunbi who seemed like she still had a lot to tell. She could bring it home and finish it anyway. Spending time with Eunbi who had a curfew was more important at that moment. “So, what plans do you have for the future?”

 

“First of all, I want to graduate high school as one of the top students in my cohort. I’m sure that would be an easy task for me since I have a smart tutor like you!”

 

Sojung felt blood rushing up her cheeks at the sudden compliment given. Eunbi was looking at her with a bright smile that she was not sure how to react. Lifting her chin up slightly to meet Eunbi’s eyes after staring at her  lips  smile for a little too long, Sojung felt warmth coursing through her whole body, her heart rate unexpectedly increasing in pace at the same time. Before Eunbi started to think that something was wrong with her, she quickly said, “I—I don’t think I’m that good of a tutor. There are others who are better than me out there.”

 

“I don’t really care about other tutors out there,” Eunbi said nonchalantly. “You’re the only one I’m willing to learn from! You teach better than the teachers in my school.”

 

Ignoring the weird feeling in her chest, Sojung cleared her throat and took a sip from her glass of iced tea after. Sometimes, she wonders how Eunbi can be extremely generous when it comes to complimenting her when the people around her— Sojung— had only been comparing her to her sister whenever they see her.  _ ‘That's because she hasn't met your sister yet, you dumbass,’  _ Sojung thought to herself.

 

“Moving on, after graduating, I want to enrol in the same university as you but in a different major, of course. It’s an excuse for me to be able to see you whenever we both have free time,” Eunbi laughed lightly, once again, causing Sojung’s heart to flutter. “It’s so hard to see you lately. The only time I can have you all to myself for more than an hour is when you come over to tutor me. Did you know I had to lie to my parents just so I could be here right now to see you?”

 

“ _ What _ ?” Sojung’s eyes enlarged upon hearing Eunbi’s last sentence. “You know you shouldn't lie to your parents. They’re going to get worried if they find out that you’re not where you told them you’d be. ”

 

“Don't worry too much,” Eunbi waved her hand as if telling the older girl to dismiss the thought. “I’m sure they won't be too worried knowing that I’m with you and not anyone else. They treat you like their own daughter, you know? My parents talk about you sometimes when we’re having dinner.”

 

Although she was curious of what the Jungs talked about her during dinner, Sojung did not want to pry more details from Eunbi. Instead, she asked the latter to continue on with what she was talking about. “What about after university? What are you going to do?”

 

“I want to take a break from all the studying and go on many trips before finding a stable job. Is it too much if I were to ask you to be my holiday buddy? I want to go everywhere and anywhere with you,” Eunbi leaned against the table and looked at Sojung hopefully, waiting eagerly for her reply.

 

“Why not your other friends? For example, Yuna, right? You talk about her quite a lot. Why don't you go on a holiday with her instead?” Sojung furrowed her brows, curious as to why Eunbi seemed to be greatly interested in her. It had only been three months since she first started tutoring the younger girl so she had not expected the latter to get attached to her quickly. 

 

“You can just say that you don't want to go on a holiday with me,” Eunbi sulked as she crossed her arms across her chest and leaned back against her seat with her eyes looking somewhere else that was not Sojung.

 

“I—I didn’t say that I didn't want to!” Sojung panicked a little. A sulky Eunbi was hard to handle from the past experience she had when she chose not to heed the former’s words. “I—I just thought it would be better for you to have fun with your  _ real _ friends for the holiday. I’m only your tutor. Someone your parents hired to teach you.”

 

“Do you really only see me as someone you have to teach?” Eunbi muttered, a hint of disappointment could be heard in her voice. “Because I’ve always seen you as a friend and not only a tutor. You're a very reliable and smart friend to me.”

 

To say Sojung was surprised was an understatement. Having tutored three other students before Eunbi’s parents hired her, none of them had shown any interest in wanting to know her as a person— a  _ friend _ , hence, from then on, her relationship with her tutees had always been kept professional.

 

Sojung noticed that Eunbi liked to ask questions unrelated to the topic whenever she came over to tutor her but she had never thought much about it, thinking that Eunbi was the kind of student who gets easily distracted. It was weird at first when the younger girl, out of nowhere, asked her about her day. However, as weeks passed by and Sojung spent more time with Eunbi, she found herself eager to head over to Eunbi’s house so that she could share her day with her before they start studying. Without herself realising, Sojung had treated Eunbi as a friend since that day. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Sojung did not know why but she felt the need to apologise for hurting Eunbi unintentionally. “I actually do see you as a friend, Eunbi and I’m not saying that to make you feel better.”

 

“Sometimes, I wonder if you’re really human or a robot disguised as one,” Eunbi scrunched her nose up for the second time, frowning at Sojung. “You need to speak with more emotion.”

 

Sojung chuckled lightly, finding Eunbi’s words silly. “Alright, I’ll go on a holiday with you but on one condition.” She propped her cheek on her palm and looked at the younger girl with a smile. 

 

“What is it?”

 

Sojung had to blink to make sure that she was indeed seeing Eunbi looking at her with eyes that looked like they were twinkling with excitement. She couldn't understand why the younger girl was happy that she had agreed to go on a trip with her. “You'll really have to graduate as one of the top students in your school. That's all.”

 

“Really? That's all?” Eunbi looked at Sojung for a reconfirmation. “Is that a promise?”

 

“Really,” Sojung answered firmly. “And yes, it’s a promise. I’ll go anywhere and wherever with you once you fulfill that condition.”

 

“I’ll make you proud!” Eunbi nodded in determination. 

 

“I know you can achieve it, Eunbi. I believe in you,” the older girl smiled warmly, looking at the other in adoration. Eunbi was like a little sibling she wished she could have. “Now, why don't you continue telling me what you're going to do once you finally find a stable job in the future.”

 

“I’m going to find an extremely good looking husband and we’re going to have two daughters and two sons! That sounds ideal don't you think?”

 

Somehow, Sojung’s heart clenched tightly in her chest hearing those words coming from Eunbi. Bringing her hand up to the left hand side of her chest, she unknowingly frown when she felt her heart still beating faster than usual.

 

“Sojung, are you alright? Are you feeling unwell?”

 

Eunbi’s concerned voice instantly brought her out of her thoughts and she quickly glanced up, mustering a smile on her lips.

 

“I’m fine.”

  
  


 

 

**25 May 2019**

Sojung checks herself out in the rearview mirror of her car one last time, making sure she looks presentable before getting out of her car, ready to meet her best friend for lunch. She didn't want to agree at first. All she wanted to do was to stay cooped up in her bed and try erasing the five years of memories that was almost forgotten again. However, Yerin being Yerin, she would never take no as an answer so Sojung had no choice but to force herself out of bed at eight in the morning to freshen herself up and get ready within half an hour to meet up with the bright girl.

 

Entering the bistro, Sojung realises that she is early for once seeing that Yerin isn’t seated at their usual spot yet. Taking her seat, Sojung kindly tells the waiter that she is waiting for a friend when the latter approached her to take her order.

 

‘ _ What is Jung Yerin doing that she's taking so long to arrive? _ ’ Sojung thinks as she pulls out her phone from her pouch to check if she has any messages from the said girl. Having known Yerin for more than seven years, she is never one to be late for any sort of appointment or meet-up. 

 

“I’m sorry I’m late. I accidentally got off at the wrong stop so I had to walk my way here.”

 

Sojung freezes in her spot hearing the soft, honey like voice that she thought she would never get to hear again after they parted ways. She wanted to look up, to confirm that it is really  _ her  _ voice and that  _ she  _ is really right in front of her but Sojung is scared. She is scared that it might only be a part of her imagination because all she has been thinking about since yesterday is  _ her _ ,  Jung Eunbi. Her first and last love. Sojung does not want to get her hopes up high. 

 

“I’m also sorry I told Yerin to lie to you just so I can see you again. I miss you, Sojung.”

 

Fate is definitely trying to fool with her. Just when she's finally ready to move on, to meet new people, to date other people once again, Eunbi had to return into the picture, instantly ruining all the plans she has made for herself.

 

“... Sojung? If you don't want me here, I'll leave now. I understand—”

 

“No,” Sojung firmly says, eyes finally looking up at the person whom she has been missing the most for the past five years. “You can stay. I won't make you leave after travelling far to get here. Let's have breakfast together.”

 

“Really?”

 

Sojung smiles bitterly to herself. Eunbi is still the same Eunbi she knows back then. Her eyes still sparkle the same way she remembers when asking for reaffirmation.

 

“Really.”

 

\--

 

“I’m surprised you still remember what I love to order here,” Eunbi says the moment the waiter left after taking their order. 

 

“It's hard to forget when it's the only meal you order whenever we go here,” Sojung shrugs, trying her best to stay calm and act normal.

 

“So, how's life?” Eunbi tries to strike a conversation with the older girl. “I’m sure the wedding invitation took you by surprise. I had to think twice before asking Yerin for your new address. I was… I was afraid of how you would react.”

 

“You could have just texted or call me for my address. I didn't change my number,” Sojung mutters, eyes locked on her drink that she is stirring mindlessly with the straw. “Life has been good to me thankfully. I’m still looking for a job at the moment.”

 

“You should really be a teacher,” Eunbi says. Sojung notices that the younger girl had ignored her first two sentences. “You would really be a great teacher to others like how you were once a great tutor to me.”

 

“I don't really want to be a teacher,” Sojung cracks a small smile. “But I still do tutor once in a while for extra expense. Anyway, your soon-to-be husband, Kim Mingyu, right? How did you two meet? Does he meet your standard?”

 

It hurts Sojung to talk about it but she wants to show Eunbi that she has been living well without her. To prove Eunbi that she really did not have any feelings for her when they started to do something more than what friends would do with one another six years ago. It's pathetic of her but Sojung only wants Eunbi to be happy and put their painful past behind. 

 

“Mingyu really does meet my standard. He’s like a complete package, too good to be true.”

 

Sojung feels her heart tightening in her chest, regret slowly seeping in upon seeing a smile etched on Eunbi’s lips as she talks about her fiancé. 

 

“We met on a blind date set up by my parents. You know how they are. Always wanting to give me the very best. I didn't expect them to find someone who matches my ideal type perfectly.”

 

“How long have—”

 

“Two years,” Eunbi answers before Sojung could finish her sentence. “You were going to ask how long have we been together right?”

 

“Yeah,” Sojung mutters, taking a sip from her drink after. “... I see.”

 

There is a short pregnant silence before Eunbi decides to break it. “What about you, Sojung? Are you dating anyone at the moment?”

 

Sojung can sense the awkwardness Eunbi is giving out from across her when she asked the question. Chuckling softly, she props her elbow on the table and rests her cheek on her knuckles, staring straight into Eunbi’s eyes with an amused smile. “I’ve been single the whole time actually. I don’t feel like committing to any relationship for now.”  _ Unless it’s with you _ .

 

“It seems like your personality didn't change much. You're still acting like you're a robot,” Eunbi huffs, leaning against her seat with her arms folded across her chest. It makes Sojung feel like they have gone back to the past, ignoring the fact that the younger girl is getting married soon. 

 

“Maybe I am a robot. A not so smart one that is,” Sojung jokes.

 

“Wrong. You're still the smartest person in my eyes. You got me to where I am now.”

 

“I stopped tutoring you after we—”

 

“I managed to graduate as one of the top students in my high school.”

 

Sojung presses her lips together, eyes darting to the table. Somehow, she isn't able to maintain eye contact with Eunbi any longer, hearing the melancholy tone in the latter’s voice.

 

“I passed the entrance exam to get into your university too.”

 

The more Eunbi talks about her life, the more guilt piles up on Sojung’s shoulders that it is making it harder for the older girl to sit upright and look at Eunbi without feeling like her heart is slowly being ripped out of her chest. She can feel Eunbi’s eyes boring holes into her her but she still dares not to look up, afraid that she might end up falling harder for the girl whom she was supposed to have moved on from years ago.

 

A quiet sigh of relief escapes Sojung’s lips the moment a waiter arrives at their table with the food they had ordered, breaking the tensed atmosphere almost immediately.

  
  
  


 

**6 April 2013**

Sojung did not have the mood to teach or leave her house that day. It was a Saturday and all she wanted to do was to sleep the whole day away after completing her assignments the previous night. However, she knew that if she were to cancel the tutoring session at the last minute, Eunbi would be extremely upset because she had promised the younger girl that she would come over with her favourite food during their last session. A promise is a promise and Sojung hated going against her own words. After sleeping for ten minutes more, she forced herself out of bed and headed to the bathroom to take a quick shower before sleep could take over her once more.

 

Seeing that no leftover breakfast was left for her when she entered the kitchen, Sojung angrily trudged to the cabinet to take a bowl and her favourite cereal from the other shelf. She then walked to the fridge to take a carton of milk before settling down on the bar stool, an annoyed groan left her lips when she realised she had forgotten to take a spoon.

 

“They could have at least woken me up for breakfast,” Sojung muttered to herself as she got out of her seat to grab the utensil.

 

Sojung got herself ready once she was done having her late breakfast. Making sure that she had all the books and stationeries needed to bring over to Eunbi’s place, she then zipped her bag up and slung it across her shoulder before heading out of the house.

 

\--

 

“You really got me my favourite hamburger,” Eunbi said, impressed that Sojung kept her promise.

 

“A promise is a promise,” Sojung smiled and playfully ruffled the younger girl’s hair.

 

“Do you treat your other tutees like this too?” Eunbi asked as she unwrapped her burger, taking a huge bite from it after.

 

“You’re the first one,” Sojung answered straightforwardly.

 

“I feel very honoured!”

 

“Don’t speak with your mouth full,” Sojung clicked her tongue and gave Eunbi a playful glare.

 

“You’re the best, Sojung!”

 

“What do I do with you?” the taller girl muttered to herself as she watched Eunbi eat happily with a warm smile gracing her lips.

  
  


The pair got into serious business as soon as Eunbi finished the last bite of her hamburger. While the younger girl was trying to finish a few math problems, Sojung was busy writing notes for her upcoming final examinations. She did not forget her purpose for coming of course. She would check on Eunbi once every ten minutes to see if the latter was struggling in any questions.

 

Placing her pen down, Sojung decided to take a short break from studying. Chin resting on the palm of her hand, she found herself staring intently at Eunbi who had her eyebrows creased while mindlessly biting on the back of her pen. The latter had never been this serious solving math equations before so Sojung found it a cute sight seeing a new side of Eunbi she did not know of.

 

“Excuse me, Miss Kim. Shouldn’t you be studying diligently instead of staring at me? I know I’m cute and irresistible but your finals are only months away.”

 

“Huh?” Sojung looked at Eunbi blankly.

 

“It seems like I just caught you red-handed,” Eunbi smirked.

 

“Wait, I—I wasn’t staring at you!” Sojung flailed her hands in front of the younger girl, cheeks flushed due to embarrassment. “I—I spaced out for a moment.”

 

“You’re not really a good liar, Sojung.”

 

Letting out a defeated sigh, Sojung pouted and looked everywhere else except at Eunbi. She was sure she would lose the ability to speak fluently if her eyes were to meet Eunbi’s. She didn’t know when it all started but the younger girl had been making her feel weird on the inside as of late. The Sojung who once hated tutoring students was slowly coming to enjoy doing so— especially when it comes to her sessions with Eunbi.

 

“You’re slowly falling for my charms, aren’t you?”

 

Sojung laughed forcefully and raised her head up, instantly regretting her choice when she saw Eunbi grinning cheekily at her. Her heart was it again— beating wildly all of a sudden. It wasn’t helping her poor heart at all when Eunbi got on her knees and leaned against the table, her face coming dangerously close towards hers.

 

“I really like you, Sojung,” Eunbi randomly confessed. “You’re fun to tease.”

 

The older girl could only hope that her heart would still remain intact for an hour more before their tutoring ends. 

 

 

 

 

**25 May 2019**

Breakfast had been silent with no one daring to speak first after they received their meals. Feeling bad over it, Sojung feels the need to break the ice once again by making it up to Eunbi for unintentionally making things awkward between them. “Let me send you home,” she offers.

 

“It’s fine. I can just take the bus back home,” Eunbi kindly declines, shaking her head with a small smile.

 

“I insist.” Sojung reaches her hand out to hold onto Eunbi’s wrist when the latter is about to walk away. “I—I’m sorry,” she apologises and retracts her hand upon feeling Eunbi tensing up. “I didn't mean to surprise you like that.”

 

“I don’t want to burden you, Sojung,” the younger girl frowns, clutching on her purse tightly. “Besides, you don’t look all too happy to see me so I don’t want to make you feel more uncomfortable.”

 

“I think you’ve just misunderstood my—”

 

“I know you well, Sojung. Who are you trying to lie to?”

 

“And you’re still as stubborn as ever,” Sojung mumbles under her breath.

 

“I heard that,” Eunbi glares.

 

“I’m not taking no as an answer, Jung Eunbi. I’m sending you home.”

 

“Fine,” the shorter girl grumbles.

 

Facing her back towards Eunbi, Sojung looks down and smiles to herself. Nothing much has changed about Eunbi. Though they aren’t exactly on good terms like they used to be, at this very moment, Sojung feels as if she’s back in her third year of high school and Eunbi’s in her first. The useless banter reminds her so much of their past that it makes her sad but warm at the same time. At least Eunbi doesn’t hate her for breaking them apart.

 

“So, where do you live now?” Sojung asks once Eunbi has put on her seatbelt in the passenger seat. Starting the car, she revs up the engine and drives out of the parking space to the main road.

 

“I’m still living with my parents. I won’t be moving in with Mingyu until we get married,” Eunbi answers. 

 

\--

 

Like in the bistro, none of them spoke as Sojung was driving Eunbi back home. The silence wasn’t as suffocating Sojung thought it would be but what bothered her so much was how Eunbi could be seen smiling once in a while as she typed away on her phone. The smile that was once meant for her and only her is for someone else now. It hurts but Sojung knows she is the one to be blamed. If she hadn’t been afraid to take a step forward and not let her fear and insecurities get the best of her, Eunbi would surely have been hers up until now. However, shit happens. Sojung knows that. She just has to suck up to it so that Eunbi can continue being happy.

 

“Thank you for sending me home although you didn’t have to,” Eunbi says softly as she unbuckles her seatbelt.

 

“It’s nothing. One of your wishes was to have me drive you around once I get my license. I’m only fulfilling an overdue wish,” Sojung chuckles lightly.

 

“You still remember the wishes I have too?” Eunbi turns her head to face Sojung with a look of utter surprise.

 

The older girl tenses up upon realising the mistake she has made. Clearing her throat, she casts her gaze elsewhere and replies, “I just happened to recall that wish of yours while I was driving. Five years isn’t that long of a time to forget.”

 

“I— I guess I should really go in now.” Sojung notices that Eunbi seemed to have wanted to say something else but she decides to let it slip, not wanting their relationship to be strained more. “Thanks for not declining to have breakfast with me. I just wanted to know how you’ve been doing after we’ve stopped contacting and… also to apologise for not telling you directly that I’m getting married soon.”

 

“I’m sorry too.” Sojung doesn’t know why but she feels the need to apologise to the younger girl.

 

“What… for?” Eunbi furrows her brows.

 

“For everything. For getting your hopes up high, for breaking the promises we had, for— for breaking your heart. I know I should have apologised ages ago but I was a coward back then.”

 

“It’s all in the past, Sojung. I’ve forgiven you a long time ago. I thought a lot about it after that fight we had and you were right. We were young back then. What we had… it really wasn’t true love. I’m happy with Mingyu now.”

 

Sojung feels her heart shattering with each word being said. Forcing a smile, she reaches her hand out to gently pat Eunbi’s head. “I’m glad.”

 

“Sojung, can I ask for a favour?”

 

“Hm?” the said girl hums and looks at Eunbi with confusion written on her face.

 

“Mingyu won’t be free this coming Tuesday. Can you accompany me for my dress fitting session in his place?”

 

It’s definitely hell, Sojung thinks. Just when she thought things would finally get better for her, it gets worse by the moment. But hey, at least she’ll be the first one to see Eunbi in a wedding dress. “Of course. Just text me the time and I’ll pick you up. You still have my number right?”

 

The younger girl flashes Sojung a small smile and nods before pushing the car door open. “I’ll see you until then.”

 

“Wait, Eunbi.”

 

Fingers still gripping onto the handle, Eunbi looks at the taller girl curiously with her head tilted slightly. “... Yes?”

 

“I miss you too.”


	2. memories are playing in my dull mind.

**28 May 2019**

Sojung wonders how long more she can continue holding on before she starts to lose her mind. Why did she even agree on accompanying Eunbi for her dress fitting session? ‘ _Why do I keep digging my own grave_?’ she thinks to herself as she sneaks a glance at Eunbi who had dozed off in the passenger seat beside her. ‘ _I should have told her I would be busy_.’

 

Being able to see the younger girl in person after not seeing her for years was something Sojung had not expected at all. The wedding invitation comes second. She could not help but wonder why Eunbi decided it was a good idea to send one to her. Is it to rub it in her face that she had made a wrong choice in letting her go? Is it to tell her that her future is going the way she has planned? Or did Eunbi use the invitation as an excuse to see her again? Either way, Sojung is slowly breaking on the inside whatever the reason is. She hates how she still has a soft spot for Eunbi. She hates how pathetic she is that she is still unable to move on after five years. It was her choice to end things between them. She should have moved on the moment they stopped seeing each other. So, why is she finding herself falling for Eunbi again? Sojung can only snort at how ironic her life is at the moment.

 

Seeing how Eunbi is still in a slumber, Sojung does not have the heart to wake the younger girl up. Eunbi is still the same sleepyhead she knew. The younger girl looks extremely peaceful in her sleep that Sojung can’t help but to stare at her, admiring the beauty she hasn’t seen for a long time. Her soft looking cheeks, her plump lips, her fair complexion. Sojung is trying her best to remember all the small details of Eunbi all over again.

 

‘ _You’ve grown to be such a beautiful lady_ ,’ Sojung thinks to herself and smiles bitterly. ‘ _I should wake her up now_.’

 

Turning the engine of her car off, Sojung unbuckles her seatbelt before bringing her hand up to lightly shake Eunbi awake.

 

“Give me five more minutes…” she hears the latter whine weakly and swats her hand away.

 

“We’ve arrived at our destination though,” Sojung announces in a soft voice. Seeing Eunbi slowly stirring up from her sleep, Sojung returns to her position, her eyes looking anywhere but at the former.

 

“I—I’m sorry for falling asleep,” Eunbi mutters an apology.

 

“It’s fine,” Sojung assures her with a small smile. “Are you ready to try on the dresses now?”

 

Saying those words is hurting her more than it should have. Sojung hopes this will be the last time Eunbi asks her to accompany her for anything related to her wedding preparation.

 

\--

 

It has been two and a half hours since they entered the store. Every single dress Eunbi had tried out so far fits her well. Sojung could barely keep her jaws close every time the younger girl leaves the changing room with a new dress on. She envies the fact that it isn’t her that Eunbi is going to get married to but she knows perfectly she does not have the right to feel so when everything that leads to this moment happened because of the actions she has made in the past. Mingyu deserves Eunbi so much more now. Sojung couldn’t help but think if things would be different if she had realised her mistake years ago.

 

“Sojung?”

 

Eunbi’s voice instantly brings her out of her thoughts. Looking up from her fingers she has been mindlessly staring at, Sojung feels as if all oxygen has been taken away from her when her eyes meet with Eunbi who has her eighth dress on. ‘ _This is the one_ ,’ she thinks without a doubt. The dress is the most perfect one out of all the others. The way it accentuates her curves nicely, the way her shoulders are exposed. Sojung thinks Eunbi looks like a real princess in that dress.

 

“Sojung,” Eunbi calls out to her again, voice slightly louder than the first time. “What do you think of this dress?”

 

The said girl feels heat rushing up her cheeks upon noticing that all eyes are on her and that she has been caught staring at Eunbi for too long. She does not fail to notice that the younger girl too has a light blush on her cheeks. Though, Sojung brushes it off a few seconds after, thinking that she was just imagining it.

 

“I’m sorry,” she apologises, tone albeit embarrassed. “The dress fits you perfectly, Eunbi. Out of all so far, I really like this one the most. I’m very sure your soon-to-be husband will love this dress as much as I do. You look stunning. Like a real life princess.”

 

Sojung wishes she had not said so much.

 

However, when she notices how Eunbi’s soft cheeks suddenly turn into a darker shade of pink and that it really wasn’t a fragment of her imagination that she saw her blushing, she starts to wonder why. Eunbi had never blushed whenever she complimented her in the past. Sojung usually got teased for doing so instead. She finds it extremely weird how the once bold Eunbi who dared to look at her straight in the eyes after receiving a compliment from her is suddenly avoiding eye contact with her.

 

“Should I just go with this dress then?” Eunbi asks as she toys with the frills of her dress.

 

Sojung has never said _yes_ immediately in her life before.

  
  


 

**13 April 2013**

“You look pretty today.”

 

A small frown formed on Sojung’s lips when she heard Eunbi laughing at her compliment. Was what she said funny? She was sure she was being really genuine with her words. She was trying her best to be open with Eunbi who kept calling her a living, breathing robot. She wanted to show the younger girl she was a perfectly normal human being with feelings too.

 

“What's with the sudden compliment? Are you finally admitting you have fallen for my irresistible charm?” Eunbi placed her pen down to cup both her cheeks with a cheeky grin on her lips.

 

Sojung’s heart leapt yet again. Eunbi was being too adorable. Leaning forward slightly, she cushioned her chin on her palm and stared straight into the younger girl’s eyes, not wanting to lose in the sudden staring contest of who would look away first. “I’ve always find you pretty since the first time I met you.”

 

“Am I prettier than the other students you’ve tutored?” Sojung noticed that curiosity was pooling in Eunbi’s orbs.

 

“You are,” Sojung truthfully answered, her heart skipping another beat upon seeing Eunbi’s eyes lit up. Realising that the atmosphere around them was starting to change and Sojung did not want to be stuck in an awkward situation, she added, “You’re the most annoying one too.”

 

“You’re such a mood breaker,” Eunbi huffed. “This is why you’re still single.”

 

Raising an eyebrow, Sojung asked, “How are you so sure that I’m single and not just hiding my relationship from you?”

 

“Because if you’re taken, you wouldn’t be acting like a robot,” Eunbi replied as if it was the most obvious answer to the question.

 

“That’s not a valid reason, Eunbi,” the older girl deadpanned.

 

“Well, if you’re taken…” Eunbi paused for a while, making Sojung feel uncomfortable because _she_ , Jung Eunbi, was openly studying her face without even trying to be discreet about it. “If you’re taken, you wouldn’t be looking at me like you’re in love with me.”

 

A laughter— which sounded a little too forced— instantly left Sojung’s lips the moment Eunbi finished her sentence. “You’re just imagining things,” Sojung quickly dismissed Eunbi’s words, finding it absurd. There was no way that an eighteen year old Sojung could be falling in love with a sixteen year old Eunbi. “You should complete your homework now before your parents get home.”

  
  
  


**28 May 2019**

“Mingyu’s currently on a business trip.”

 

Sojung’s grip on the wheel tightens upon hearing the man’s name. Of course, Eunbi just had to  mention him. He _is_ going to be the one the younger girl will be spending the rest of her life with once they get married.

 

“I thought he was going to be busy only for today but it turns out he has to follow his father to America for a week.”

 

Taking a quick glance at Eunbi from the rearview mirror, Sojung feels her heart clenching at the sight of a dejected Eunbi. She badly wants to comfort the younger girl but somehow, the words and sentences that she has formed in her mind are stuck in the back of her throat, refusing to leave her lips. Every time she tries to open her mouth to speak, the thought of Eunbi taking her words the wrong way ends up evading her mind that she chooses to stay quiet and continue driving Eunbi back home. Sojung just wants to be as far away from Eunbi as soon as possible. It’s better that way, she thinks. It will surely save her from getting her heart shattered slowly in a painful manner the second time.

 

Eunbi doesn’t say a word after and Sojung doesn’t mind the silence. She has nothing much to say anyway. All she has to do now is to send the younger back home so she can finally stop acting like she isn’t hurting on the inside at all. That she isn’t angry at herself for not being able to say ‘ _no_ ’ to Eunbi.

 

Eunbi only gives her a small smile and a quiet thank you when Sojung drops her off in front of her house.

 

\--

 

“I’m sorry,” Yerin says as she watches Sojung gulp down her drink in one shot. “I didn’t mean to trick you into meeting up with Eunbi.”

 

Guilt is clearly written all over her best friend’s face that Sojung can only scoff as she pours herself another glass of soju. “You clearly know I’m still not over her, Yerin,” she bitterly mentions and downs her second shot. “The fact that you gave her my address without my permission. Are you my best friend or hers?”

 

“I was just trying to help! I know how badly you’ve been wanting to see—”

 

“I don’t, Yerin.” Sojung glares at Yerin sharply, obviously enraged with the latter’s choice of action. “I was starting to do just fine without her.”

 

Clasping her hands together, Yerin glances down at the table to avoid Sojung’s gaze. “Honestly, I didn’t know she’s getting married until you told me last night. I thought she asked for your address because she wanted to patch things up with you after all these years. She really didn’t tell me anything about her upcoming marriage.”

 

Eyebrows furrowed, Sojung presses her lips together to form a thin line. Why didn’t Eunbi tell Yerin about her marriage? And how long has Yerin kept a secret from her that she has been in contact with Eunbi all this while? She takes another shot before asking her friend the question. “Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been in contact with Eunbi all along?” Sojung does not fail to notice Yerin’s shoulders tensing up all of a sudden. Eyes locked on the visibly frightened girl, she rests her cheek against her knuckle and waits for Yerin to speak up. “I have all night to listen to your story.”

 

“E-Eunbi didn’t want you to know,” Yerin starts, her voice quivering slightly out of nervousness. “She thought it was best for the two of you to completely stop talking to each other instead of trying to stay as just friends. You really hurt her badly, Sojung. She told me she really loved you. I met up with her weekly after the two of you broke up. That’s how I started getting closer to her. I was the only friend she knew that’s extremely close to you so she confided everything in me. We… we kind of hooked up too.”

 

Sojung clenches her free hand into a tight fist under the table but she doesn’t say anything. She has learned that it’s best to not let anger take over her. Besides, it happened when she and Eunbi had already broken up. There isn’t a reason for her to get worked up over something that had happened in the past.

 

“We got drunk on her nineteenth birthday and shit happened. It was a one time thing though. We never spoke of it again.”

 

“Do you know anything about a guy named Kim Mingyu?” Sojung asks, curious as to know how much Yerin knows about the said guy.

 

“I knew they were dating,” Yerin answers truthfully. “But I thought they wouldn’t last long. Eunbi doesn’t talk much about him with me. Even if she does, it’s always about him and his work and nothing about them going out on dates or anything. It’s like everything between them is purely just business. There’s barely any love or affection involved.”

 

“Wait,” Yerin pauses when she finally realises something amiss. “Is he the guy Eunbi is going to get married to?”

 

Sojung nods her head once. She’s afraid her voice might come out weak if she were to verbally give a reply.

 

Hearing Yerin’s side of her story, she finds it intriguing how her best friend’s words differ from what Eunbi had told her three days ago. Is her ex girlfriend truly in love with the man she is going to marry? Is she really happy with having to spend the rest of her life with him?

 

“Do you think I still have a chance to get Eunbi back?”

 

“You’re drunk, Sojung.”

 

“That Mingyu guy won’t return until one week later.”

 

“ _Sojung_.”

 

“I’m getting Eunbi back.”

  
  
  


**27 April 2013**

It was one of the rare days where Eunbi did not have any assignments to be done so Sojung, after a night long debate with herself, decided to take the younger girl out to the beach to relax. Eunbi was of course more than happy to know that she did not have to deal with any equations or essays for the day. She even told Sojung she was elated that the latter was the first to initiate in asking her out and not the other way round. Sojung’s face ended up turning red which earned a cheeky grin from Eunbi.

 

With Eunbi’s arm looped around her own, the pair strolled near the water, their free hand used to carry their sandals so as to not get them wet. Glancing over at Eunbi, the corners of Sojung’s lips unknowingly tugged up to form a soft smile when she noticed the serene look on the younger’s face. It was an expression she rarely got to witness since Eunbi usually had the troubled look whenever she came over to tutor her. She was glad she made the right choice to take Eunbi out as a reward for passing her recent test with flying colours.

 

“You look beautiful today.”

 

As usual, a light giggle left Eunbi’s lips and it sounded like music to Sojung’s ears. It made her satisfied knowing that she was the reason why the shorter girl was laughing.

 

“Did you actually come up with a goal to compliment me whenever you see me?” Eunbi mused and tilted her chin up to look at Sojung with a playful glint in her orbs.

 

“I just spoke my mind,” Sojung shrugged lightly. But, it was true though. Eunbi looked extremely beautiful in a simple white summer dress with floral patterns, a light pink cardigan put over to finish off the look. If Sojung was a man, she was sure she would have tried to make a move on Eunbi the moment her eyes landed on her.

 

“Have you ever wondered how does it feel like to be in love? If one really does feel like there are butterflies swarming in their stomach whenever they’re around the people they’re in love with. If one’s heart really does beat fast or skip a beat because of an action done by their lovers. Do you ever have those random thoughts?”

 

Eunbi’s question was sudden but Sojung was not surprised. She was used to the younger girl throwing unrelated questions at her during their tutoring sessions. This was no different than those times. She was just curious as to why Eunbi had brought up the topic about love out of nowhere. It wasn’t like she knew anything about being in love. The thought of being in love with someone had never once crossed her mind before. Sojung had been putting all her feelings aside just so she could focus on all school related matters.

 

“I think you’ve watched too many dramas, Eunbi,” Sojung tried to reason out. She wanted to end the topic before it could even begin. She found it weird talking about love with someone who was less mature than her. Someone who was still innocent inside out. Someone who barely had any experience like her.

 

“Really?” Eunbi stopped walking and fixed her gaze at Sojung who had a look of pure confusion on her face at the sudden halt. “Then why is it that I feel all those things whenever I’m with you?”


	3. don't think i would just forget about it.

**29 May 2019**

The sky is gloomy that day with the sun being hidden behind big, grey clouds that are slowly coming together. Sojung thinks it perfectly describes her mood as she takes a sip of her warm, bitter coffee she had ordered. She doesn’t have a specific plan that afternoon. She just wanted to be away from home, away from the envelope that is placed right in the middle of the coffee table in her living room. Sojung knows she could have just chucked it aside but she couldn’t find the strength. She could have torn it to pieces too but she feels it won’t be right for her to do so.

 

Sojung really finds herself _absolutely_ pathetic. She wanted to put all the blame on Yerin to make herself feel better, to make it seem that none of this was her fault but Yerin’s. However, Sojung knows that it is far from the truth. Her best friend is innocent. She isn't in the wrong. Yerin was just fulfilling a friend’s request and Sojung still has yet to find out why Eunbi decided to show up in front of her after five years when she finally thinks the younger girl wants nothing involved with her again.

 

‘ _Does she want me to suffer or something?_ ’ she thinks to herself, only to let out an exasperated sigh when she fails to come up with other plausible reasons.

 

“Sojung?”

 

The said girl instantly looks up upon hearing name being called.

 

“... Do I know you?” Sojung furrows her brow, feeling slightly ashamed on the inside that she couldn’t seem to recognise the female standing in front of her.

 

“Ah…”

 

Sojung feels guilty for not being able to remember her when she notices a hint of disappointment pooling in the other’s eyes. “I—I’m sorry,” she quickly apologises. “I didn’t mean to forget but it’s just that it’s been years since I’ve kept in contact with anyone but Yerin so I don’t really remember—”

 

“Yewon,” the female introduces herself with a small smile. “Kim Yewon. Does that name ring a bell to you somehow?”

 

Sojung frowns. She really doesn't recall meeting someone by the name of Kim Yewon.

 

“I’m guessing it doesn’t then,” Yewon laughs lightly— to ease the awkwardness, Sojung knows. “I’m sorry for taking your time. I better get going now.”

 

“But it's going to rain soon. I don't think you should—”

 

“I have an umbrella so that's not a problem,” Yewon flashes another smile, a reassuring one this time. “I’d like to apologise once again for taking up your time.”

 

‘ _Weird_ ,’ Sojung thinks as she watches the girl leave the cafe. She’s absolutely sure she has never met a Kim Yewon in her life before.

 

\--

 

Sojung manages to get home before the rain starts to pour. Taking off her coat, she throws it carelessly on the sofa before making her way to where the thermostat is to increase the temperature. Hearing the rain pattering against her window from outside, Sojung exhales a long sigh and heads to the kitchen to get herself water. The taste of bitter coffee is still strong and she wants to wash it away.

 

_“Do you think I still have a chance to get Eunbi back?”_

 

_“You’re drunk, Sojung.”_

 

_“That Mingyu guy won’t return until one week later.”_

 

_“Sojung.”_

 

_“I’m getting Eunbi back.”_

 

Sojung’s grip on her mug tightens as she recalls the conversation she had with Yerin the previous night. Does she really want to get Eunbi back? She wasn’t drunk when she told Yerin that. Her mind was still functioning well although her head was starting to pound a little from the huge amount of alcohol she had in her system.

 

Shaking her head, Sojung lets out another sigh. It must have been the alcohol that made her say such a thing. That’s right. She’s going to blame it all on the alcohol. There’s no way she’s going to ruin someone’s relationship. Kim Sojung and Jung Eunbi are long over. Eunbi has Mingyu now. The younger girl can finally achieve her dream of wanting a family with him.

 

 _‘I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to go drinking with Yerin_ ,’ Sojung frowns. _‘I should take a nap.’_

  
  


**27 April 2013**

Sojung was at lost for words. Her mind had gone blank. Eunha was looking at her with seriousness in her eyes that it was hard for her to tell whether the younger girl was pulling her leg or not. Sojung didn't want to make things awkward between them. Although she considered Eunbi as a friend, ultimately, she's only someone hired by the latter's parents to tutor her. What would Eunbi's parents think if they find out their daughter is in a relationship with the person they trusted to teach their daughter? What more a female? The thought of it was making Sojung feel sick in the stomach.

 

“What you're feeling is probably just infatuation,” Sojung said once she found her voice to speak. Reaching out to hold onto Eunbi's wrist, she frowned when the younger would not move when she tried pulling her along with her. “We need to get you back home now, Eunbi.”

 

“Infatuation... an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something,” Eunbi recalled the definition word for word. “I may only be turning sixteen this year but I know the difference between love and infatuation.”

 

Sighing softly, Sojung turned to face Eunbi once again. “One day, you're going to find yourself an extremely handsome man that will make you realise what you feel for me is only infatuation.”

 

The older girl was glad Eunbi did not try to argue with her further.

 

**30 May 2019**

Sojung finds Eunbi standing in front of her doorstep at eight in the morning that day.

 

Ten minutes ago, she had ignored the ringing of her doorbell, thinking it was some sick prank being pulled by the children next door. They are mischievous but Sojung likes playing with them once in a while whenever their parents aren't home to take care of them. The ringing stopped five minutes later— if Sojung had calculated properly— however, her phone started to buzz next.

 

Sojung cursed under her breath. She didn't want to answer the call. However, when she reached out for her phone and saw the caller ID, the gears in her brain started functioning properly and she was suddenly wide awake.

 

_Jung Eunbi_

 

Why was she calling her at such ungodly hour?

 

That's when Sojung found out that her ex-girlfriend had been the one ringing the doorbell minutes ago when she answered the call.

 

“Hey,” Eunbi greets the disheveled Sojung. “I'm sorry for coming without notice.”

 

“What brings you here?” the house owner didn't mean to sound rude but as she gets older, she really hates it when her sleep gets disturbed.

 

“Well, I didn't want to be alone at home.” Sojung raises a brow at the younger girl's answer. “My parents have gone to work, Mingyu's overseas and Yerin's busy today so you're the next best option.”

 

Usually, Sojung doesn't like to exaggerate. Really. She finds no point in doing so. However, this time, she feels as if she had been stabbed by hundreds of knives upon hearing that she's the _next best option_ Eunbi had in mind. The fact that Yerin comes to her mind first instead of her makes Sojung feel more horrible than she already is that morning. She can't show that she's affected by Eunbi's words though so she remains indifferent.

 

“I guess you can stay over for a few hours. Though, I have to warn you that there's nothing much you can do here but watch the television.” Sojung steps aside to make way for Eunbi to enter. “In the meanwhile, I'll go freshen myself up first.”

 

\--

 

Sojung can't bring herself to leave her room once she’s done showering. Seated on the floor with her back leaning against the bed, she has her eyes closed, not having the energy to do anything.

 

She can hear the television playing from outside. A small smile etches on her lips as she imagines— no, she _knows_ — how engrossed Eunbi must be in the show that she's watching at the moment. Any show can be played and the younger girl will easily get entertained by them. That’s how endearing Jung Eunbi is.

 

Feeling a vibration coming from her bed, Sojung reaches out for her phone and furrows her brows when she sees that an unknown number had sent her a message. Choosing not to read the content of the message, she wanted to put away her phone until her gaze falls on the date shown on her screen.

 

_30 May 2019._

 

It's Eunbi's birthday.


End file.
